


Let’s Fap Until Karkat or Kankri Scream (And Even Then)

by BatchSan



Series: So When Does This Start Being Weird [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Accidental Stimulation, Alternate Universe, Ampora circle-jerk, Cat Puns, Crack, Dave has some very Freudian thoughts about his ecto-relations, Embarrassment, Eridan is a creep, Explicit Language, Fantasizing, Fish Puns, Fluff, Freudian Slips, Friendship, Humor, I slipped and wrote a bit of smut, Inappropriate use of video game controllers, Insanity, Karkat and Kankri losing their shit, Karkat really should pay better attention to what he does when he goes off on a tirade, LARPing, Masturbation, More tags when I think of them, Multi, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sex Toys, Shenanigans, Tentabulges, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Voyeurism, a bit of it, and the reprecussions of having friends, because Amporas are lonely boys, cuteness, not sorry, they'll probably be alot of that going around this month
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:16:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatchSan/pseuds/BatchSan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if 8 humans and 24 trolls lived all under one roof, and it was May, and the trolls had never heard of the Merry Month of Masturbation? </p><p>Answer: Absolute havoc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Figured those with extreme hiatustuck-itis, might enjoy a full month of just mindless shenanigans. =D
> 
> Guys, let's do this. Let's laugh, all fucking month long. xD

“Fascinating,” Rose says with a quirk of an eyebrow.

“What is?” Kanaya asks.

“It’s the first of May, Miss Maryam.”

“Is that an important day?”

“Not so much important as it is fascinating, and the fascination extends to the full month of May,” Rose answers, leaning back in her seat with a smile.

Kanaya looks curiously at the human, whom she suspects is enjoying herself for reasons unknown. Not even attempting to decipher whether human sarcasm is at play here, the troll decides it best to ask the most direct questions and pray that for once, her matesprit will not torment her with cryptic answers.

“Dare I ask? Of course I do because you have brought up the subject and piqued my curiosity, though I suspect I may regret this in the long run. Rose, what is your fascination with the month of May?”

Before Rose has a chance to answer, Dave and Jade burst into the room with a confused Karkat trailing them. The smiles on Dave and Jade’s faces are identical, contrasting well with the frown on the troll’s face as he pushes past them and marches straight up to Rose.

“No male-moobeastshitting me – is there such thing as a full month dedicated to manual manipulation in your human society?” he asks.

Smiling coyly, Rose nods. “I’m not sure whether or not the idea disturbs you, but yes, back on Earth we dedicate the entirety of May to the joys of masturbation.”

Kanaya flushes dark green at the news as Karkat snaps at the still giddy Dave and Jade. 

“You sick fuckers will NOT partake in this tradition so long as we all live under one hive roof!”

“Aw, don’t be a spoil sport, Karkat!” Jade giggles. 

“’Sides,” Dave cuts in, “it’s not like you can be with eight humans and however many trolls there is all up under this one huge ass roof all the time. You’ll wear yourself out when you could be putting that energy into much more creative uses, if you’re catching what I’m drifting?”

“Fuck you, Strider. I will assure no one participates in this filthy act all month if it kills me!”

Jade snickers. “Good luck then!”

Dave and Jade exchange glances and race out of the room, leaving behind Karkat to sputter gibberish as he realizes what they’re trying to do.

“YOU FUCKASSES GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME!” Karkat screams as he races out of the room.

Left alone once again, Kanaya makes eye contact with Rose and feels her blush grow brighter, or perhaps that’s just her luminescence which she can’t seem to turn off, especially when she spies Rose’s hand on her inner thigh.

“What are you up to?” she asks, finding her mouth cottony all of a sudden.

Rose slips off her shirt and reclines back in her chair, spreading her legs.

“Celebrating this festive month before complete havoc wrecks throughout this house,” Rose answers, fingers playing with the hem of her skirt. “You’re welcome to watch, or join. Mutual masturbation is acceptable for the month.”

“M-mutual?” 

Rose nods, skirt hiking up to her waist. 

Kanaya feels a slight bit dizzy as she rises from her chair and sits on the arm of Rose’s.

“I suppose it will not hurt to at least help you celebrate, if nothing else.”

“Dear, there will be much else, but the month is long. My patience…” A pale hand claims Kanaya’s glowing one and places it on a creamy thigh. “… Is not.”

This could be a fun month, Kanaya thinks as she moves her hand up.


	2. Chapter 2

John picks his head up at the sound of angry stomping a moment before his bedroom door flies open. He’d fallen asleep on the textbook Rose had mandated he read – it was some boring crap about philosophy. He wasn’t even sure why she thought he needed to read the thing, but it’s not like he was going to be rude and tell her no. Though, twenty pages in, John was pretty sure he was going to bring her back the book soon and tell her to take it back because _NO_.

“Hey, Karkat,” John greets, yawning slightly.

“And just what the fuck were you up to in here all by yourself with the door closed?” Karkat demands, crossing his arms.

“Reading this book Rose is making me read, but it really sucks ass. What are you up to?”

“What am I up to? What the fuck am I up to? I’m keeping you disgusting humans from manual manipulating yourselves in accordance to your fuckwad society.”

Okay, John must be still asleep or still too groggy, because none of what his friend just said made a lick of sense to him. He sits up in his chair and slaps his face to make sure he’s fully awake.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Karkat asks, eying him strangely.

“What?”

“Grr, are you just trying to fucking distract me from my duties?”

“Seriously dude, I have no idea what you’re talking about anymore,” John admits, frowning slightly.

“Look you bulge licking, nook sniffer,” Karkat growls, “don’t go fucking manually manipulating yourself at all this month. Okay?”

John stares at the troll for exactly a minute before he bursts out laughing.

“Are you telling me not to jerk off?” John asks, because seriously, is he hearing this correctly?

“I don’t care if you jerk on or off, just don’t touch your fucking bulge this month, got it?”

Karkat is in John’s face now, growling deep in his throat. A dark eyebrow quirks up in surprise before John raises his hands.

“Karkat, what’s your deal? Why are suddenly obsessed with what I do or don’t do with my own junk?” he asks.

“Because I’m already getting shit from Dave and Jade, and I don’t trust that Rose is being pious when she’s not eye-fucking Kanaya, so that leaves you. It may be May, but that shit the four of you keep trying to do is gross.”

“May?” John asks, trying to recall the significance of the month. “Oh! Oh shit! Is it May already?”

Laughing, John stands and moves past Karkat to open the windows in his room. When they’re open he steps back and gives Karkat a thumbs up and a big goofy grin.

“All done!”

“Huh?”

“It’s National Clean Air Month! Thanks for reminding me, dude,” John says.

“You’re shitting me,” Karkat deadpans.

“Ah, you’re right, I should do more than just air out my room, but it’s also National Lyme Disease Awareness month, so I have to be careful too.” John closes the window nearest him. “Better.”

Convinced the human is messing with him, Karkat storms across the room to where John is standing and begins shouting at him.

“GOG FUCKING DAMMIT, JOHN, YOU BLAZING ASSHOLE! IT’S TOUCH YOUR BULGE MONTH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

To empathize his words, and in angry obliviousness, Karkat slaps his hand against the front of John’s jeans and rubs the area, igniting a bright blush across John’s face.

“SO STOP PLAYING FUCKING HEAD TRIPS THAT WOULD PUT GAMZEE TO SHAME AND LISTEN TO WHAT I’M FUCKING SAYING, YOU COCK-KNOCKING FUCKASS. DON’T FUCKING PARTICIPATE IN THIS DISGUSTING BULLSHIT BECAUSE I DON’T NEED TO HEAR YOU SACKS OF SHIT BEING VULGAR AND DISGUSTING ALL MONTH LONG. UNDERSTAND?”

“Uh,” John manages with his eyes half lidded. 

His hands are stuck somewhere midair where he had initially wanted to push the screaming troll away but got caught off-guard by a familiar twitch in his pants. The stroking is nice and almost completely unlike when he touches himself, but, ugh… John looks down at Karkat’s hand and bites his lip. Following his gaze down, Karkat finally realizes what he’s doing and immediately snatches his hand back, looking more horrified than anyone John had ever seen.

“F-fuck… What the fuck, John? Why didn’t you tell me what the fuck I was doing?” Karkat asks in a terrified voice.

John tries once to give a reason but can’t get anything out other than, “I’m not a ho—“

“No, shut the fuck up, asswipe!”

Karkat quickly absconds to the doorway, holding out his hand like it has a mind of its own and he would have to exorcise it to get it back to normal. Awkwardly, he lingers at the door, glaring at the still blushing John before finally leaving in a stunned silence.

“Um…” John says to himself.

He squirms and brings a hand up to the front of his jeans, remembers Karkat’s hand there, and whimpers a little as he takes over where the troll left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean to post a chapter a day for the rest of the month, though I got a slightly late start. ^^; So either I end up staying a day behind, or later today, I post the next chapter to catch up properly.


	3. Chapter 3

“Do you think he’s completely lost his shit yet?” Dave asks, lounging against the wall as he blasts John’s spaceship out of the sky.

John groans and hangs his head at his third consecutive loss in the last twenty minutes. His video game controller is snagged away by Roxy, who pinches John’s cheek playfully in consolation.

“Let mama show you how it’s done,” she giggles as Dave rolls his eyes behind the safety of his shades. “And who are you two talking about?”

Rubbing his face, John sighs. “Karkat. He’s flipping out because Dave and Jade told him about MMOM.”

“Eh?” Roxy says, momentarily thrown off by the acronym just long enough for Dave to score a lucky shot at her spaceship, though it doesn’t go down. “What’s that?”

The boys exchange looks, blushing lightly as they silently debate who would explain it to her. They’re rescued from the task by a giggling Jade that has just snapped her laptop closed.

“The Merry Month of Masturbation, Rox! A whole month dedicated to the beauty of self-love!” Jade exclaims. “Karkat is such a prude, hehe.”

“Karkat’s not the only one,” Dave says, “I mentioned it to Sollux yesterday and he just made a face and said to stop fucking around. Like I fuck around all the time about such a beautiful thing about the joys of getting to intimately know your hand? Pft, trolls.”

“I’ve never heard of it,” Roxy says, a smile spreading across her face, “but it sounds like loads of fun. I’m so going to cream you by the way, Dave!”

Jade giggles as Dave curses but remains otherwise silent as he concentrates harder on keeping Roxy from blowing his… spaceship, yes. The spaceship in the video game. Dave grimaces when his ship takes another heavy attack from Roxy.

“Hey John, you’ve been really quietly since yesterday. Did something happen?” Jade asks.

John remains silent and jumps when his sister’s upside face suddenly appears before his. She looks at him suspiciously and he can feel sweat roll off his brow.

“I’m feeling… fine. Just, um, adjusting to the weather as it gets warmer,” he finally says.

She continues to stare at him, frowning now and crossing her arms over her chest. He sighs in defeat.

“Karkat came to yell at me yesterday even though I wasn’t doing anything. And…” John flushes and bites his lip.

“Ooo,” Roxy giggles as she continues to blast away easily at Dave’s spaceship, and self-confidence, “did he make inappropriate advances on you? Or did you to him? Ooo! John is a kinky boy!”

“Ah! No!” John sputters, hands flailing about. “It wasn’t… No… I mean… Shit… Fuck…”

Jade is smiling now, a snicker threatening to burst from her any second. “It’s okay, you’re amongst friends here,” she says.

He really considers getting up and leaving without a word but he knows Jade would just follow him, plus Dave would crack on him forever. 

“Karkat was screaming at me and he brushed his hand again my junk, that’s all.”

“Oh shit, Egbert, you totally fapped to that, didn’t you?” Dave asks without looking away from the screen.

“Shut up, Dave!”

The room erupts in laughter at the now blushing John’s expense. Which is of course when Karkat decides to walk by the opened door to the Dave’s bedroom. 

“What’s so funny?” the troll asks, crossing his arms. "Let me guess, you've all come up with some super not fucking hilarious way to get around my rule?"

“John fapped because you touched him,” Dave answers noncommittally and grimaces again when Roxy finally gets the upperhand on him in the game and blows up his spaceship.

“YEAH! I just pwned you!” Roxy exclaims, fists in the air.

Karkat is glaring hard at John, who can feel the weight of it way across the room. Dave groans about being beaten by a drunk but all John can pay attention to is Karkat sneering at him.

“Fucking disgusting,” the troll says and walks away.

The fact that Karkat didn’t even yell weighs heavily in John’s stomach. The bed beside him squeaks as Jade rolls over to her stomach to give her brother a pat on the back. 

“It’s okay John, I’m sure he still cares for you,” she says.

“Bet he went to go fap to the fact that you fapped over him,” Roxy says as she sips from the martini glass suddenly in her hand.

“Jegus, you guys are embarrassing,” John says and buries his face into his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit, plot slipped in a little bit there. I'll be sure to ignore it in the next chapter. xD


	4. Chapter 4

“I can’t help but take note of the abnormally smug look on your face as of late, Kanaya.”

Kanaya looks up at Aranea and blushes when she catches first her eye and then Porrim’s, who is giving her a look that clearly reads _‘I KNOW’_. She stabs her finger with her sewing needle in her embarrassment and Porrim laughs while she’s busy sucking on her finger.

“Leave Kanaya alone, Ara,” Porrim says. “She’s just happy. Really happy.”

Now it’s Aranea’s turn to blush as she puts it together. 

“Oh, I apologize! Your matespritship with the human has slipped my mind,” Aranea explained.

“It’s fine,” Kanaya says, waving it off as she attempts to get back to her sewing.

“What is?” Meenah asks, entering Porrim’s room without bothering to knock. “Are we talking about me? Because then I would have to totally agree.”

“Oh don’t be so shameless, Meenah,” Aranea sighs as the teen slides thin arms around her shoulders from behind. “We were speaking of Kanaya and her matesprit, Rose, at least to some extent.”

“You two gills been gettin’ your rocks off, eh?” Meenah smirks at Kanaya. “I know what that’s like. At least, I glubbin’ knew what it was like, but it’s been a while since Arane—“

“Meenah!”

The blue blood is blushing navy as the heiress laughs and snuggles her face against the crock of Aranea’s neck.

“S’ok, though, bubble. I still lub ya.”

“If,” Kanaya says suddenly, blushing again, “I may offer a bit of a fun solution to your ‘dry’ spell?”

“Ain’t nuffin’ glubbing ‘dry’ about it, but ya know what I mean,” Meenah laughs. “Go on, gilly.”

“It’s against strict advisement on Karkat’s behalf, but he’s merely over-reacting to a very simple and natural thing for purposes I’ve yet to decipher,” Kanaya begins.

“Is it something to do with the human’s Merry Month of Masturbation?” Aranea asks.

“Oh, so you’re already aware of it?”

“Quite. It’s one of the many fascinating aspects of human society. Not as thrilling as the cherubs’ mating process, but quite an enjoyable event nonetheless.”

“I’ve never heard of it,” Porrim says with a quirk of her eyebrow.

“Me neither,” Meenah says and pokes Aranea. “Of all the boring carp you love to talk about and you failed to mention something as interesting as this masturbation thing.” A pause. “What is that?”

“Manual manipulation of ones’ self for the simple enjoyment of doing so,” Aranea answers matter-of-factly. 

“Wait. The humans have a whole month dedicated to that? How fucking awesome!”

“Well, the month is dedicated to learning self-love of ones’ person moreso than manually manipulating oneself all month long, but I suppose one gives way to the other and--”

“Don’t care. Sounds good to me,” Meenah cuts in. “This is sumthin’ you can do with a partner, right?”

“Under the proper circumstances,” Kanaya says, “most definitely.”

Aranea squeaks when she’s literally lifted from the chair she’d been sitting on. Meenah chuckles as she lets her girlfriend to her feet.

“Come on, Aranea. You and I have some celebrating to do! Plenty of it since it’s already the fourth! I can’t believe no one glubbin’ told me sooner!”

“Meenah that’s scandalous,” Aranea says, blushing again but not really resisting the persistent tugging of her arm.

“Move faster or else we’re gonna celebrate right here, in front of the crowd,” Meenah laughs.

“No you will not,” Porrim says firmly. “You’ll traumatize Kanaya.”

At the door, Meenah cackles. “Like you wouldn’t love to watch it? Probubbly even manually manipulate yourself too.”

A seductive smile. “Best to leave that to the imagination.”

The heiress laughs again and the Maryams can hear Aranea gasp as they move down the corridor. In the silence that follows, Kanaya fidgets quietly with the material in her lap. She doesn’t dare meet her relative’s eye though because she knows Porrim already knows the cause of her fidgety.

“Either you’re thinking awfully hard about Rose, or you’re thinking awfully hard about what Meenah and Aranea are doing right now,” Porrim says with a small titter of laughter.

“Um…”

“It’s fine. Go take care of yourself and come back later if you want. My door is always open to you. Unless…”

Kanaya blushes at the smile on the older teen’s lips, nodding in understanding.

“Oh, if Karkat is freaking out about this masturbation thing,” Porrim says, “do your best to make sure Kankri doesn’t catch wind of it as well.”

Kanaya doesn’t have to ask why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, there will be actual masturbation in this fic, sooner or later. Mostly, I'm having fun just writing random events. xD
> 
> Also, this is my first time writing Aranea and Meenah. Fish puns are fun. xD


	5. Chapter 5

“Meenah, no.”

Aranea groans as the heiress ignores her and proceeds to slide her hand up her skirt. It normally wouldn’t have been an issue, except for the fact that after exiting Porrim’s room, they had barely made it back to Aranea’s before persistent teeth were nipping her earlobe and hands were groping her thighs.

“It’s okay. Ain’t no one gonna hear,” Meenah says with a shark grin.

“We only need walk a few more paces to my roo-- Ah!”

“Always chattin’ up a storm, ain’tcha? Just relax.”

Which is easier said than done when not pressed against a wall in the corridor of a hive inhabited by over thirty persons. Whose grand idea was it to set up this living arrangement anyway? Aranea knew, of course she did, but fingers were pressing into her panties and thought was becoming nigh impossible.

“Hey don’t mind us. Vwe’ll just stand here and wvatch.”

Both girls snap their heads up to see Cronus leaning against the opposite wall. Beside him, Eridan looks like he wants to simultaneously watch and join but can’t decide which would be the least likely to get him culled. Aranea hurriedly straightens her skirt while Meenah sneers at them.

“Can’t too gills just be gettin’ their mack on without douchebags watching?”

“Look chief, if you’re going to be get hot and heavy vwith your ladyfriend there, you might as wvell be inwviting us to wvatch,” Cronus says with a smirk. “Wve ain’t complaining.”

“Fuckin’ Amporas. Got skivvy just dripping from your fins,” Meenah scoffs. “Come on bubble, let’s go somewhere less smelly.”

Aranea doesn’t meet the boys’ eyes as she lets her girlfriend lead her away. The Amporas watch them go, focusing a little too hard on the sway of Aranea’s round hips.

“Pity,” Cronus sighs, pushing away from the wall, “could’vwe done wvith a nice shovw.”

“Ta,” Eridan scoffs, whether at the idea or the loss of a good show is unvoiced.

He follows Cronus to his room, where they close the door and make sure it’s locked. Cronus lights a cigarette and smiles coolly at his kin. 

“Still wvant to do this?” he asks.

“The fuck do you mean? It wwas your idea. Do YOU still wwant to do this?”

A light chuckle. “Kid, if you wveren’t my kin, I’d clap you so hard your fins vwould be ringing for vweeks.”

Eridan makes a face as he removes his cape. “Yeah, wwhatevver.”

They both lose their pants and stand facing each other, bulges in hand. Cronus smiles easily around his cigarette as he begins stroking himself.

“Relax, chief. It’s just us.”

“I knoww that!” Eridan says, blushing and moving his hand now, too.

Unnoticed, Kankri walks by the room, blissfully ignorant of the filth going on inside.

At least until he hears a high-pitched, _’uwwah’_.

Frowning, he goes against his better judgment and presses his ear against the door.

“That’s right, chief,” Cronus pants. “Nice, long strokes.”

Eridan whimpers as he complies.

“Ampora, what blasphemous vulgarity are you up to in there?” Kankri shouts, banging suddenly on the door.

There’s the sound of muffled cursing and shuffling about inside and further inquiry only yields a shouted, _’Wvait!’_.

When Cronus finally cracks his door open, Kankri can see a glistening of sweat on his brow and frowns.

“Hey there, chief,” Cronus greets.

“What are you doing?” Kankri asks, crossing his arms.

“Smoking a cigarette if that isn’t too triggering for you.”

“I’ll tell you what’s triggering – listening to your debauched panting as I walk by your door. Have you no shame or common decency?” Kankri falls silent momentarily as he realizes who he just asked this question to and changes gears slightly. “What if your kin had heard your depravity? Surely you would not want to have a negative, triggery impact on him!”

Cronus cracks a grin and shakes his head. “Nope, wouldn’t want that.”

Somewhere in Cronus’ closet, Eridan blushes brightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't even know anymore. xD
> 
> Quick question - tentabulge or not to tentabulge?


	6. Chapter 6

Dave Strider is alone in his room for the first time in six days. He has to give props to Karkat’s persistence in keeping him and the others from fapping the month away. The downside to what initially started out as what he now knows was a very stupid joke is, of course, the lack of sleep the red blooded troll needs to keep functioning. He’s like some kind of fucked up Energizer Bunny – even Liv Tyler or whatever the hell she/he was being called nowadays, had to re-energize every so often. Dave thinks?

Either way, he’s alone. It’s just him, a locked door, a bottle of lube, and silence. A young man cannot ask for anymore more. You know, except for something to put his most precious piece into. But hey, that’s what his hand is for in the meantime!

Stripping down to his wifebeater and boxers, Dave sprawls himself out on his bed and rubs himself through his boxers as he looks around the room, searching for some proper inspiration. He’s suddenly aware of the many plush rumps that have made their way into his space in the last few weeks. Ever since he and Dirk had decided to try and build some kind of a bro relationship, some of Dave’s records had found their way into Dirk’s room, and some fine plush rumps had made their way into Dave’s room.

Shit, and he is so not getting a boner while thinking or looking at said plush rumps because that would be a whole new level of fucked up in his head that he so did not need right now in this triumphant moment of privacy. Unless thinking about Dirk was the cause, which would just be five times more fucked up than he needs.

Dave is smart though. There are other things to think about; a plethora of non-plush rumps and dudes that look like his Bro. He closes his eyes and tries to focus, but his thoughts wander – Jade pops into mind, but so does Rose, and oh, hey! They’re kissing and touching and yeah, Dave could work with that even though one of the people is his sister. 

Fuck, he really was a Freudian wet dream, wasn’t he?

Either way, Dave’s boxers are finally too tight in the good kind of way so he frees himself from the red material and squeezes out lube onto his hand. It’s sloppy and some slides down his wrist before he gets his hand in position but he imagines a mouth sliding over his penis as he forces himself through his slightly clenched hand. Yessssss, that’s good, Dave decides. Jade’s mouth, maybe. Certainly not Rose’s or Roxy’s or… shit, stop thinking about people fucking related to you in whatever fucked up ecto-biological way they are or whatever.

As if someone heard his silent plea, there’s a knock on his door followed by a familiar voice.

“Strider, you better not be fucking doing what I think you’re doing, you asshat!” Karkat yells.

Shit. Fuck. Time to flip off a fucking handle.

Except, he doesn’t. Dave opens his eyes, stares at the locked bedroom door and continues stroking himself. More obscenities filter into the room, the knocking now a pounding as Karkat shouts that he knows Dave is in there, and fuck, shouldn’t this shit not be hot? But Dave can’t stop himself from imagining the imaginary mouth over his penis being Karkat’s. Sharp teeth grazing lightly at his tender flesh as he wraps his hand in black curls; course tongue heavy against his skin.

Dave chokes on a moan, sending Karkat into a rage at the sound.

“You bulge-licking, shit-eating, grubfucker! Stop that shit right this instant!”

Yeah, little Karkat down on his knees, mouth stuffed with some prime Strider dickmeat, and blissful silence except for the sounds of him slurping occasionally. Whether it’s the thought of silence or just the image of Karkat looking up at him with doe-y eyes as he sucks him off, Dave feels his orgasm approaching a lot faster than he’s ever experienced before. A kick rattles the door, sending Dave into a breathless cry as his hips buck and he comes, splattering his thighs and shirt with his own jizz.

“Don’t worry, I’m done,” Dave calls, wiping his hand on his now dirty shirt.

Another kick rattles the door.

“Strider, you shitface fuck!” Karkat screams.

“Mmhmm, whatever you say.”

“This isn’t over!”

Dave yawns. “It is for me, at least for now. I’ll be ready to go again in a bit though.”

“IT’S NOT FUNNY!”

Stripping off his shirt, Dave wipes his thighs and chuckles beneath his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you they'd be actual fapping sooner or later. xD
> 
> Thanks for the input on the tentabulges, guys! =D


	7. Chapter 7

Aradia finds Sollux exactly where she left him a half hour ago when she left to get something to eat – seated on the floor with his laptop nestled in lap like a pet. His fingers move across the keyboard as he casts a combined destruction spell of lightning and fire to oblivate the enemy in front of him. She sets an opened can of soda beside him and sits on the couch he’s resting his back against, her leg lightly pressed against his arm.

“Thanks AA,” Sollux says after two enemies have fallen at his fingertips.

He claims the soda and sips it, hitting Esc to pause the game. He chokes on the bubbly liquid when he feels fingers playing with his horns, claws lightly brushing at the base of them.

“Uh, what’s up?” he asks.

Aradia giggles and drags her claws again over the base of his horns, sending a sharp jolt of electricity shooting down his spine. 

“AA, if you keep doing that…” He doesn’t have to finish as he shifts, balancing his laptop higher up on his now bent legs.

“Did you know,” Aradia says, her claws now lightly dragging against Sollux’s scalp, “that the humans consider this month to be a very liberating and fun month?”

He scoffs slightly, or attempts to, the sound coming out more like a whimper on his lips as a small chill goes down his spine. 

“Dave mentioned some bs the other day but I didn’t know what the hell he was… uh, speaking about.”

Aradia has slid down to the floor beside Sollux, her hand now on his thigh and his bulge making itself known to him. She smiles, all teeth, and he feels his blood pusher speed up.

“Was it about something called masturbation?” she asks calmly.

“Think so.”

She nods, wandering hand now on his forearm, stroking lightly.

“It’s the human word for manual manipulation. They enjoy celebrating the joys of the manual manipulation of ones’ self. Occasionally they perform it on a partner, who in turn, does it back.” She leans in close to his ear and whispers, “Want to celebrate with me?”

Sollux’s face flushes a mustard yellow.

“HEY!”

Looking up, Sollux is surprised to see Karkat glowering at them. He knew his buddy had been a little more high-strung than usual lately, but he hadn’t really given it much thought since Karkat was always screaming about something. 

“No touchy-feely shit. Just NO! New house rule – no touchy-feely shit this month, maybe forever.”

“You can’t do that, KK.” Sollux says with a frown. “We co-habit this hive as equals, not as KK’s little grubs.”

“I know that! But as your former friendleader, I am telling you and every other troll in this hive to lay off the touchy-feely stuff until the end of the month. I’ll even be nice about it instead of my normal douchebag self and say please,” Katkat says with a forced smile.

“Why?” Aradia asks, a smile playing at her lips.

“Because those no horn bastards think it’s okay for them to be disgusting fucks all month long,” Karkat growls. “I don’t want to get too much into it because the less you know the fucking better.”

“Yeah, okay, KK.”

“Huh?”

“I said, yeah, okay. We’ll lay off the touchy-feely stuff for the rest of the month,” Sollux agrees, scooting away from Aradia until there’s a foot of room between them. “See?”

Karkat smiles - a rarely seen thing that has become a tale of legend amongst the occupants of the hive. He opens his mouth to say more but the sound of Bec barking up a storm somewhere further in the hive draws his attention. When he’s gone, Aradia and Sollux look at each other, slow smiles creeping across their faces. Sollux sets down his laptop and slides back to where he originally was.

Aradia isn’t shy about undoing the other troll’s pants and sliding her hand down the top of his boxers. A little stroking lures his bulge out from its sheathe, the tip curling happily around her fingers once free. She guides his bulge out from beneath his boxers and plays her thumb over the tip of it, drawing a sigh from Sollux’s lips. His hand reaches beneath her skirt, feeling her bulge already wiggling about beneath the cotton of her panties. 

He smiles lightly when she moans softly at the feel of his hand rubbing against her. When Sollux’s fingers get inside her panties, he toys with her bulge for a moment before going to work at her nook – bulge wrapping around his wrist in the process. Aradia throws her head back, wanting to go for his nook too but unable to do more with her hand than slide it up and down the wiggling bulge in her grasp.

Sollux hisses; Aradia ribbits.

They both stop moving and she bursts out laughing.

“Just kidding,” Aradia laughs.

Sollux smiles with a small shake of his head and they pick up where they left off. 

When they’re done and Aradia gets up to find a towel to wipe up their messes, Sollux spies someone peeking in from the same doorway Karkat had been moments earlier.

“Gogdammit, Ed, you fucking creep!”

Eridan quickly darts away from the doorway as Sollux gets up and chases after him. The seadweller makes it back to his room, barely, and locks the door behind him. Sollux slams a fist against it, rocking Eridan where he’s resting against it.

“I’m going to rip your gills out if I see you creeping around like that again you shitface!” Sollux screams, sparks flittering around his horns.

“Wwhatevver you fuckin’ douche,” Eridan calls back.

“STUPID FUCK!” The door shakes again and Eridan backs away from it as the smell of ozone comes to him.

Probably best to shut the fuck up now, he decides.

So he takes a seat, leans back, and frees his already wiggling bulge from his slacks. Nothing puts him in the mood quite like the furious calignous shouts of his (not)kismesis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed my original update day because I played Skyrim most of the day. xD So guess what game Sollux was playing on his laptop?
> 
> Also, since I'm now two days late, they'll be another chapter later today. =)


	8. Chapter 8

Nepeta stares at the water as if she might see a doomed future in its reflection. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to get clean, but surely there were more fun ways to do it than a bathtub the size of Equius’ extra, extra large recuperacoon? Back on Alternia, Pounce de Leon would give her tongue baths, which was okay for the first few sweeps of her life, but after a while, she had to learn to bathe in an abulation trap after that. Nepeta never much liked it though. 

It takes a moment for her to realize eyes are looking up at her, from beneath the water. She jumps back a little ways when Feferi surfaces, arms flung out so water splatters everywhere. Shaking the bit of water that splashed onto her arms, raised in defense, Nepeta pouts.

“Do I have to?” she asks, holding her towel closer around her body.

“Glub. You know Equius said you had to,” Feferi points out, folding her arms on the edge of the tub. “Come on, I’m going to be bathing with you!”

“And me too!”

Nepeta yowls when arms wrap around her from behind, lifting her petite form off the floor, and dumping her into the tub unceremoniously, towel and all. She whirls around, hissing at the smiling human standing in front of the tub.

“Just thought you needed a little helping hand,” Jade giggles, losing her own towel and slipping into the tub on a now giggling Feferi’s other side.

Nepeta, now wet and unhappy, hisses again at Jade, retreating to the furthest part of the tub to better keep an eye on the human. Jade only smiles.

“I don’t much like taking a bath either,” Jade admits as Feferi ducks beneath the water to ‘glub’ about, “but I do get pretty dirty playing in my garden all day.”

“And rolling around with your woofbeast in the mud,” Nepeta says.

Jade crosses her arms and frowns. “I’m sorry I don’t like being perched up in trees all day, chasing after squirrels like some…”

Nepeta hisses again.

Feferi surfaces between the two with a giggle. “If you two want to be alone to black-flirt better, I’ll just be on my way.”

Neither says a word as the young heiress stands, steps out of the tub, and collects a dry towel from the towel rack. She smiling when she pauses at the door and says, “Meowbeasts and woofbeasts are so silly sometimes. Glub!”

When the door closes, Jade reaches for the soap and starts washing herself, turning to her side but keeping her peripheral on the troll. Seeing as she was already in there, Nepeta reaches for the bottle of shampoo and begins washing her short hair. She dunks her head in the water to get the suds out a bit later, but she momentarily blinds herself with soapy water in the process. Pawing at her eyes to clear them, she tenses when a hand pulls her arm away and a dry towel passes on her face, clearing the soap from her eyes gently. 

Jade is smiling at her when she can see again.

“Thank mew,” Nepeta says.

“You have to be more careful,” Jade says. “Here, let me help you.”

The human retrieves the conditioner and begins massaging the catgirl’s head as she lathers it up with conditioner. She thinks of how gentle Equius was when he used to sometimes help her bathe when she really didn’t want to – but he was so shy and embarrassed even though Nepeta was the only one naked! Hehe!

Jade is careful when she helps rinse her hair out and Nepeta thanks her again, beaming brightly.

“But you haven’t bathed your body yet!”

“The mighty meowbeast doesn’t always like to bathe in water,” Nepeta says with a pout, pawing at the bar of soap. 

“Well, the cute puppy thinks she can help the cute kitty cat out!” 

“The mighty meowbeast says oh?”

Jade takes the soap and begins to rub it against Nepeta’s skin, starting with her arms and hands, before moving to her shoulders, and then her back. When her hands slide around to her stomach, Nepeta giggles at the bellyrub feeling of Jade’s hands against her stomach. But the giggle gives way to an ‘eep’ when a hand slides up to her small breasts, soapy bubbles coating them as the other hand slid down between her legs.

“Meow?” Nepeta sighs. 

There’s a moment of hesitation on Jade’s end, but Nepeta nudges her hands and presses her back against the other girl. Jade smiles as she rubs the bar of soap between Nepeta’s legs, drawing a mew from her lips. It’s such a perfect sound, Jade decides, repeating her actions to draw the sound again.

But the next time Nepeta opens her mouth to mew, it comes out more like the ring of an alarm.

Ring  
Ring  
Ringggg  
Ringgggggggg

Jade’s eyes pop open and she stares up at the blur of her ceiling, listening to her alarm buzz away on her nightstand.

No  
No  
Nooooo  
Nooooooooo :(

She slams the alarm quiet with one hand and gropes about for her glasses. Pulling them on, she remains lying in bed, hand pressed against her forehead in frustration. Karkat had been messing with her privacy schedule so much lately that she was thisclose to telling him off about it. Who was he to demand what they could and couldn’t do? This was THEIR home - as in, all of theirs, not just Karkat’s. As much as she cared for him as a friend, sexual frustration was not a thing to be played with.

With the residual of the dream still clinging to her waking mind, Jade slips her hand down beneath her blanket and grazes her nails against her thigh. She hikes up the bottom of her sleeping gown and finds her panties damp with her arousal. Dream or not, her body was willing to take anything it could get. Jade’s fingers found her clit, rubbing it firmly, the pressure a delicious reprieve to her orgasm starved body.

She imagines how the rest of the dream would play out – her fingers inside of Nepeta, her teeth marking the slim shoulders. Pretty mews falling from pretty lips. Jade groans when her other hand finds her breasts, fingertips teasing nipples as her hips bucked to the image of Nepeta spreading her legs and, oh yes… 

Jade quakes, a soft cry falling from her mouth as she comes, and the image of Nepeta licking her naked body lingers long after she’s cooled off.

“It’s going to be so weird when I see her later…” Jade sighs, reluctantly kicking off her blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ajdhdfgkjdf
> 
> Meant to have this done A LOT sooner. >( But the chapters are coming out longer and I'm writing characters I haven't written before and aahsfkafkdjaskjf PRESSURE.
> 
> ( xD Not really. I was just going for Vriska-level dramatics for the hell of it. Good, yeah? ::::) )


	9. Chapter 9

“You, uh, seem happy. Like, really happy.”

Aradia giggles as she readjusts the sleeve of her LARP costume. The humans had forbade the practice of FLARPing, but it turns out that human LARPing is more or less the same thing, just with less killing. Vriska had yet to garner an interest in it, but Aradia and Tavros were happy to play it. Turns out, it’s pretty fun!

“Could I ask why?” Tavros asks, putting his hat on.

“Because it’s May!” Aradia grins.

“Uh, should that be of some type of significance?”

Dressed up in their LARP outfits, they exit Tavros’ room and head down the corridor toward the backyard. Tavros listens quietly as Aradia describes the humans’ unusual celebratory ritual for the month of May. Once outside, he smiles, more to himself, but in wonderment nonetheless.

“Humans are weird,” he says, still smiling.

“They’re fun.”

Tavros climbs up on a tree stump and draws his sword, pointing it at the sky. Aradia pushes her hair back off her shoulders and comes to stand by the other troll’s side.

“Not, uh, as fun as Team Charge charging into the castle and taking back control from the evil cholerbears!”

But as they LARP, Tavros catches a glimpse of Gamzee watching them from an upstairs window. He loses part of his army of hoofbeasts and associated forest animals when he flushes at the thought of maybe later celebrating the humans’ merriment of May, perhaps with Gamzee.

*

“S’up, wicked lil motherfucker?” Gamzee asks, pausing at the doorway to Tavros’ bedroom.

“Um, nothing,” Tavros replies, feeling his face color as he fiddles with the grubs on the floor. “How’s it hanging?”

Gamzee nods. “Bitchtits good. Just up and wanted to see how you are.”

He moves toward the other troll and touches a bandage on his cheek with light fingers. Tavros can smell some kind of cheap cologne lingering beneath a much stronger scent of sopor – as if Gamzee had just finished climbing out of his recuperacoon or something.

“I got it while LARPing,” Tavros explains, blushing.

Gamzee leans down and kisses the bandage. “I don’t much up and like seeing you motherfuck hurt, Tavbro.”

Tavros whimpers lightly when long fingers slide against the side of his neck, fingertips playing with the little hairs on the back of Tavros’ neck. He feels heat pooling on his face and in his groin simultaneously as the former Bard’s lips feathered against his cheek and jaw.

“Gam…?”

“Do you know how motherfucking adorable you look in your little tights and hat?” Gamzee asks, indigo eyes smoldering into brown ones.

Tavros shakes his head.

Gamzee slides his free hand down to Tavros’ hip and presses his other hand firmly against the back of his head, pulling him into a tight kiss. Tavros whimpers again when Gamzee pulls him down to the floor, maneuvering him into his lap. The kiss is too hot, too wet, and Tavros is a shuddering mess of breath and straining bulge beneath his underwear. Either sensing his need or feeling the squirm of his bulge, Gamzee slips his hand into Tavros lap as they continue to kiss, freeing his bulge of its confine.

Crying out, Tavros savors the feel of the clown’s hand against his bulge as the appendage wraps around his open hand. More movement below, Gamzee shifts Tavros so he’s straddling his lap, and Tavros feels another appendage brush against his. He breaks the kiss to look down, stare as Gamzee frees his hand and the two wiggling bulges stroke each other before coiling around each other. Tavros launches himself back at Gamzee’s mouth, barely containing a cry as a rock of the taller troll’s hips sent a jolt of pleasure bursting through his every cell.

Eventually the pleasure is too much for him to ‘quietly’ take and Tavros threw his head back, Gamzee’s arms around his midsection as their hips rocked somewhat awkwardly against each other. The motions reverberate through their bulges, making them squeeze harder or slip against the other just enough to make Tavros moan aloud, again and again and…

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE!?”

Both trolls jump at the booming scream. Tavros opens his eyes and frowns slightly at the sight of Karkat; Gamzee only offers the angry troll a smile.

“Well shit, when did you up and get here, best bro?” Gamzee asks with an oblivious smile.

“Are you fucking shitting me you stoned fuckface?” Karkat yells. “What the fuck are… No, fuck that. Did neither one of your grubfuckers get my memo?”

“I ain’t seen any kind of memo,” Gamzee says, frowning in thought.

“Okay, you probably saw it a hundred times and forgot with all that sopor swishing between your horns, that I get, but you Tavros surely saw it, right?”

Tavros shakes his head.

Karkat facepalms.

“Fucking hell. Do you fuckasses read anything I post on the memo board?”

Silence is his answer and Karkat slams his fist into the side of his head.

“GOG-FUCKING-DAMMIT YOU SACKS OF HOOFBEAST SHIT SHOULD FUCKING READING THOSE EVERY NOW AND THEN! FUCK! NEW RULE THIS MONTH: NO TOUCHY-FEELY SHIT AND THIS QUALIFIES AS TOUCHY-FEELY SHIT SO JUST STOP!”

“Uh, my more improved self-esteems demands that I tell you to fuck off and kindly leave us the fuck alone,” Tavros says, rocking his hips defiantly against Gamzee. Gamzee groans.

“YOU… I…”

Karkat screams and stomps out of the room, screaming, “THIS SHIT ENDS TODAY. I AM SO FINISHED, STICK ME WITH MEENAH’S TRIDENT SO FUCKING HELP ME!”

“Dick…” Tavros says once the screaming troll is gone.

“Hehe…” 

Gamzee kisses Tavros tenderly and they pick up where they left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!


	10. Chapter 10

Terezi licks the flat end of the gavel in her hand as she listens to the voices and movement in front of her. Beside her, she can smell the candy red scent of Dave and John where they stand, impatience tainting their yummy scents.

A door opens at the back left of the room and she smells woofbeast – ah, Jade must be back!

“Are they gone?” John asks.

“Yep! Jake just left five minutes ago with Karkat and Kankri through the backdoor,” Jade answers.

"Okay, good. Terezi," John says, "bang your gavel and draw the crowd's attention please."

She smirks and nods, licks the gavel again and bangs it against the podium she's been leaning against. Truthfully, Terezi had no idea what was going on but Dave told her she could bang a gavel, so fuck yes, she was all over it.

"So here's the deal everyone," John begins, sounding like the friendleader Karkat once dreamt of sounding like. "Most of you have noticed how crazy Karkat's been acting lately."

"He's been hoofbeastshit crazy," Sollux says with a knowing nod.

"What's with this 'no touchy-feely' rule?" Latula pipes up.

Dave and John exchange a look; Dave rubs the back of his neck and waves for John to continue.

"Dave and Jade thought it would be funny to tell Karkat about the Merry Month of Masturbation. Which, as far I know, is where this started."

"Vwhat is this Merry Month of Masturbation, chief?" Cronus asks, lighting up a cigarette.

"As Kanaya has explained it to me," Rose cuts in, "it is the equivalent to the troll's practice of manual manipulation."

"Oh." Cronus looks surprised as he exhales smoke rings from his neck gils. 

Terezi straightens up at this, smiling a little too deviously for most people's comfort.

"So you guys have a whole month set aside just for manually manipulating yourselves?" she asks. "Kinky."

"It's to celebrate the self-love of oneself through it," Jade corrects.

Meenah laughs. "However ya want to put it, it's just an excuse to get down with the five knuckle shuffle, right?"

"Not--" Jade tries but is cut off by the heiress.

"Relax your gils, gilly. It's been a fun month so far, right Aranea?"

Aranea blushes but holds her head up despite the sly smiles shot her way. She opts not to say anything, for once.

"Um, okay..." John says, feeling a light blush creeping up the back of his neck. "So then I take it some of you already knew, and now the rest of you that didn't, do."

"Good deductive skills, Egbert."

"You want to make this speech, Dave?"

"Nah man," Dave says. "I'm not out to steal your thunder. You're on a roll so far, don't let me stop you from breaking a metaphoric leg with your awesome speech that you've barely gotten three sentences into."

They jump when Terezi bangs her gavel against the podium. "Enough with your lover's spat. Save it for behind doors."

"Yeah, yeah," Dave says, crossing his arms.

"Could I ask where we even acquired a podium from?" Rose queries.

Another bang of the gavel. "No, you may not," Terezi says, psychotic grin on her face.

"Very well. Do carry on John. I'm curious to hear what you have to say about the Karkat situation"

John sweeps some of his hair away from his eyes before continuing with a warbled, "Uh, yeah."

"Look," he says, "I think we need to either be a bit more discrete about this or just give it up completely."

This causes a cacophony of voices to fill the air and Terezi has to bang the gavel several times to regain order of the court, er, crowd.

"Or..." Dave says, stepping up now. "Someone needs to seduce Karkat and jerk him off or manually manipulate him - however the hell you want to say it."

"What?" John asks.

The blond shrugs. "Figure that if he busts a nut, he'll calm his tits about this whole situation and won't act like a cockblocking douchebag anymore."

"That's not a half bad idea," Terezi muses, rubbing the side of the gavel against her chin. "I nominate John for the cause," she suddenly exclaims with a slam of the gavel.

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, John," Dave smirks, "you already fapped to him once. Now you just need to fap him off and everything will be right as rain with the world again. Or at least douchebag-filled."

John blinks at his supposed best friend and hears several snickers from the crowd. 

"I'm not seducing Karkat. I'm not like that," John protests.

"Yeah, the fuck you're not."

"Shut up, Dave!"

The blond just retains his smirk.

In the crowd, Porrim stands from her seat on the floor, where everyone had been sitting. "Everyone is overlooking a serious problem."

"Eh?" John asks, scratching his head.

"Kankri," she answers. "As far as I can tell, Kankri hasn't caught wind of this celebration, but if he were to?"

"Dude would shit preaches in every corner of this hive," Meenah finishes, grimacing. "Fuck up things real fast."

"Well said," Porrim commends. "Not that I'm proposing we abscond of the celebrating, but being more mindful around the Vantas boys would be rather ideal."

"Wve should get someone to seduce Kankri too," Cronus mutters.

"You know how attached he is to his vow of chastity."

"Just a suggestion," he shrugs.

"You just wanna fuck him," Meenah laughs.

The purple blood inhales another puff of his cigarette but doesn't answer, he also ignores the glare Eridan shoots him.

"Okay, this conversation is getting weird," John pipes up. "I think we should have a vote: Raise your hand if you don't want to quit celebrating."

Nearly all the hands went up.

"Raise your hand if you think John should fap Karkat so we don't have to sneak around like mice around a trap filled with peanut butter instead of cheese."

The same hands go up, along with several not-so-quiet giggles.

"I am not a--"

Dave cuts John off with a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll help, bro."

"MEETING ADJOURNED!" John shouts and storms out the room.

"Hey no fair! That's my line!" Terezi protests, rapting her gavel.

"Don't deny your love for the angry troll's ass!" Dave calls.

Just outside the door, they can hear John loudly huff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now everyone knows. xD (About the MMOM, that is.)
> 
> I plan to pretty much let the shenanigans escalate from here on out. Karkat is going to lose his shit in the near future. =D 
> 
> NOTHING IS SACRED ANYMORE NOW THAT EVERYONE KNOWS.


	11. Chapter 11

**_GAME OVER_ **

Roxy glares at the screen, half wanting to chuck her controller at the screen and half just annoyed with the game she’d been playing. Not that _Resident Evil 3: Nemesis_ is hard to play, but she just didn’t seem to have much focus for it or any other video game the last several days. Ever since she first heard about the Merry Month of Masturbation thing, she’d been kind of excited about it.

However, something about just masturbating all by herself, while GREAT, just felt… Lonely.

Seriously, she is so done with feeling lonely. She lives in a huge house with thirty-one other people, most alien, and no, she isn’t alone anymore, which is awesome. But still, she hates being reminded of her former life-long loneliness.

Her thoughts turn to Jane, whom had been especially quiet after yesterday’s big talk and announcement. She smiles remembering how red the girl’s face had gotten. Sweet little Jane probably never touched herself a day in her life. Roxy almost wouldn’t be surprised if Jane showered with a swimsuit on. 

Hm. Wet Jane.

Okay, fuck it. She was going to give in.

Popping the lid on the Playstation, Roxy removes _RE3_ , replaces it in its case, and digs out a new game from her stash - _Metal Gear Solid_. Placing it in the Playstation, she leans back in her beanbag chair -- such an odd, but awesome thing – and rests the controller down on her lap, spreading her legs apart. The game starts up and she closes her eyes and leans her head back, hands going to automatic work as she waits for the opening credits to pass. She slides her shirt up and teases her nipples through her bra.

Opening her eyes, she finds the main screen of MGS waiting for her. Reclaiming the controller, thumbing down to Options, she opens up the menu and goes down to Vibration Test. Before pressing anything, Roxy lowers the controller to between her legs, hiking up her skirt in the process. Hitting X, she presses the controller quickly to her panties where vibrations instantly tingle her slit.

“Janey…” she breathes.

Rubbing the controller against her slit is nice; safe – makes her think more of her wild-eyed best friend and how she would probably go about touching her. It’s not enough though, but it’s good for a few moments. With her other hand, Roxy slips aside the crotch of her panties and with a held breath, presses the controller against her clit. She releases the breath with a gasp, hips twitching up toward the vibrating device. 

She thinks about Jane – naked, wet from a shower, in a skimpy towel, curves spilling out in all the right ways. 

Roxy pants, grinds the controller against herself, and whimpers Jane’s name into the quiet of her room. She doesn’t even bother to try and draw it out, the desire too great. When she comes, she accidentally yanks the controller too hard, tugging the Playstation perilously close to the edge of the television stand. Moving fast, she awkwardly lurches forward and rescues the machine from kissing the floor just as it begins sliding off the edge.

“Shit, that was too close,” she breathes and sinks back into the bean bag chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short on the humor, but high on the video game geekery. xD Roxy is a girl after my own heart.
> 
> I sort of had to look this up because I've always wondered and wow, I'm so pissed I don't have my MSG game anymore because THIS! (I may have toyed a bit with my FFVIII game though - when the GFs performed their attacks, holy hell. So much fun, but so SHORT. ugh)
> 
> Also, short chapter, but it'll tie better in with the next one. =3


	12. Chapter 12

It’s been an hour since the Playstation almost fell off the television stand and fuckall if Roxy isn’t kind of thirsty. She makes sure her skirt is smoothed down properly over her clean change of panties and heads out of her room. Yeah, there’s a bottle of vodka under her bed, waiting for her like a cup of hot chocolate on a winter night, but she’s in the rare mood for a drink with some unnecessary sugar in it. 

The house is quiet which is a bit strange since the house tends to be a noisy place no matter what time of the day or night it is. She figures either the others are laying low or happily fapping away in the privacy of their respective rooms. As she passes Jane’s room, she swears she hears a small whimper from within. This piques her curiosity and she pauses before the door, listening as non-suspiciously as she can manage while standing in front of someone else’s bedroom door.

After a moment, there’s another whimper along with a breathy sigh, and no fucking way. Roxy can’t help but grin as she presses her ear closer to the door. Here, she can just make out the sound of a low whirring sound from within and the unmistakable sound of Jane gasping.

Oh em gee!

Roxy bites her lip to keep from giggling out loud as she continues to listen. Okay, maybe she wasn’t perfect with boundaries and stuff, but this was something she def needed to listen in on because it’s Janey and she’s most definitely MASTURBATING. It took half of her fantasies and chucked them the fuck out a window because obviously Jane wasn’t as innocent as she thought, but damn, this was waaaay hotter.

The small whimpers escalate as the whirring sound gets louder and before Jane is done, Roxy knows her fresh and clean panties are soaked through. Well fuck.

Jane sobs, once, presumably as she comes because immediately after, the whirring sound dissipates and oh shit Roxy realizes she’s probably standing in a very stupid spot. What if Jane decides to come out of the room or something? She only briefly entertains the idea that maybe Jane wasn’t alone, but it’s gone dead quiet inside and she’s at least partially certain if someone else was in there, she would hear smooching or something.

Roxy knows if it was her, she would be giggling right now at how cute and sexy Jane probably looked as she orgasmed.

With some massive effort, wet panties doing nothing to help, Roxy continues on until she’s in the kitchen – she’s still thirsty after all, and probably moreso now. Actually, yeah, some apple juice mixed with vodka sounds perfect. She snags a bottle of apple juice from the fridge and yeah, Dave won’t be the happiest camper in the world, but whateves. 

Popping it open and taking a swig to quench at least part of her initial thirst, Roxy’s leaning against the kitchen counter when, of all people, Jane appears. She’s smiling a little wider than normal and her cheeks blaze red when she sees the blonde, and oh yeah, Roxy thinks, _adorable_.

“Hey girly,” Roxy greets, a sly smile playing at her lips.

“Hello, Roxy,” Jane says, avoiding the blonde’s eyes.

“What ya been up to?”

Jane’s eyes go wide and her face somehow manages to get redder as she shakes her head. “Nothing! Just wanted to grab a snack.”

Roxy nods, taking another swig of her drink. Her eyes follow her friend as the other girl attempts to seem as though she wasn’t just totally getting herself off. Where did she get a vibrator, Roxy wonders, and how did she manage to use it without bursting into flames from all the very likely blushing that went along with using it? Gogdamn, that was a question that made her throb enough to shift her legs so they were crossed, seeking some kind of pressure or friction.

Oh man, she was so going to have get off again soon or she was going to go crazy.

Wait. Idea coming in!

“Janey, want to play a video game with me or something after you eat? Or hell, you could bring your snack with you.”  
Jane shoots her this look of horror and the latter suggestion; Roxy sighs.

“Right, so after you finished eating in the kitchen, want to hang with me or something?”

Jane noticeably hesitates before nodding smiling. “Sure, that sounds like a fun idea. Would you like me to make you something?”

The blonde shrugs and turns to the sink as Jane makes herself busy around the oven. When she’s sure her friend isn’t looking, Roxy stoops and retrieves a bottle of vodka from a hiding spot in the cabinet beneath the sink. It’s half-filled and not the primo stuff she has stashed under her bed, but it’ll do. She peeks over shoulder to check on Jane and Roxy finds she can’t help but stare at round hips and shit, there’s a special place for pervs like.

Still, when Jane leaves the mixing bowl unattended, Roxy peeks in, sees milk and eggs floating unstirred around a pile of flour, and is struck with instant inspiration. She dumps three-thirds of the vodka in the mixture and tells Jane she’s going to help her some. Before the other girl can snatch the spoon from her, Roxy has already mixed the ingredients enough to mask her addition.

“I’m just trying to help!”

“Yes, I’m aware of that,” Jane says, taking over the mixing, “but the last time you helped me bake, I spent three hours cleaning icing off the ceiling.”

Roxy smiles, taking a swig of her now mixed apple juice and vodka drink.

“It was a science experiment. For science-y reasons.”

Jane shoots her a disbelieving look. “And how is attempting to write your name on the ceiling with icing a science experiment?”

“A test of gravity and dexterity,’ Roxy says with a noncommittal shrug.

Jane huffs, her cheeks puffing out slightly before turning and ignoring the blonde. 

_Good job, Lalonde_ , Roxy thinks, _now she’ll never let you play with her lady bits._

But Operation Conquest Crocker’s Ass was on!

Just have to wait for those muffins to finish baking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahaha, so I did that thing I sometimes[often] do where I disappear from updating something for a while. ^^; Yeah, sorry. Got a little nervous about writing the Alpha kids since I'm nowhere near really even have started Act 6, but I've been flipping through (fanfics) and feel a little more confident now? Hopefully. ^^;
> 
> I don't even know the point of this fic anymore, but let's go! Let's get this shit done. Woot! =DD
> 
> (And yeah, really sorry for the delay.)


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